The Belief That Almost Cost Me Everything

On giving your power away, what fills the vacuum, and how you find your way back

I can trace it back to around 1998, though its full weight did not announce itself until 2019. I had been carrying something for years, something I mistook for my own, that shaped how I moved through the world in ways I’m really only able to see clearly now. I got married early, at the age of 21. During my marriage, I gave my power away. Not all at once, and not with a conscious awareness that it was happening. It moved the way erosion moves, gradually, until one day you look down and notice yourself falling into a sinkhole. I began to believe the things my husband said I was. My own sense of worth became shaped by his perception of it rather than my own, and somewhere in that process, I took on a belief that would follow me long after the marriage ended: that the answers I needed could only be found outside myself. That I was, in some fundamental way, broken.

What I didn’t understand then was that this type of belief doesn't stay contained to one single relationship; it becomes the lens through which you approach everything, including your healing.

Because I no longer trusted my own internal guidance, when I left my marriage, I kept looking outside myself for someone who could tell me what it was saying. That search led me eventually to a spiritual business mentor, someone who positioned themselves as the person who could help me reconnect with myself and grow my business at the same time. What happened instead was the opposite.

Under the language of growth and healing, I was being further disconnected from my own inner knowing. The relationship reinforced the very belief I had brought into it: that my own perception was not reliable, that clarity lived somewhere outside me, that I needed this person's guidance to find my way.

I was not being helped. I was betraying myself, and I didn’t see it clearly until I was very deeply in.

The moment I recognized what had happened was pretty dramatic; I let this mentor know I was stepping away from the group container I was part of, just before the annual renewal was to take place, and it did not go well. I was accused of betrayal; betrayal of the group, betrayal of myself and of course, the most egregious of all, betrayal of my mentor. But the truth was that my betrayal of myself would have been if I’d stayed. This was the first step to learning to listen to my inner guidance once more.

I wish I could say that once I saw that, it was immediately back in full force, but it was more like a slow return of something I had forgotten I had. I began to rebuild trust with myself the way you rebuild anything that has been neglected: carefully, with attention, with intention and without rushing the process. I started listening to what I actually sensed rather than immediately reaching for someone else's interpretation of it. I became patient with my impatience. I began to reclaim the wisdom, the talents, and the gifts I had spent years handing to other people's frameworks.

By the way, that process is ongoing and doesn’t have a clean endpoint. But what I know now, in a way I could not have known before living through it, is that the internal guidance system doesn’t break. It gets buried. It gets doubted. It gets handed to people who aren’t equipped to hold it. But it doesn’t break, and when you stop drowning it out, it’s still there, still orienting, still pointing toward what is true for you specifically. It’s waiting for you to befriend it once more and rebuild the trust that was picked at for all those years.

This is why I do the work I do in the way that I do it. Every clearing I offer, every SoulPoint Journey, every coaching engagement, is oriented toward one outcome: that you leave more connected to your own knowing than when you arrived. The work is yours. I’m here to remove what has been making it harder for you to hear yourself.

I’m not the keeper of your answers; I’m someone who has spent nearly thirty years learning how to clear the interference that keeps you from accessing your own, even though I took several wrong turns along the way.

If you’ve been looking outside yourself for a long time, if the search has taken you through teachers and healers and mentors, and you are still not quite landing in yourself, consider that the guidance you have been seeking may not be missing. It may simply be buried under something that was never yours to carry in the first place.

I know the irony of offering my services in support of that, but this is absolutely something I know how to work with. When you are ready, I am here.